Ilika Zhimomi
Special Educator
‘If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude’
Of the many changes taking place in the present era, one of the most significant is the movement of inclusion of people with disabilities into the mainstream society. The subject of disability is one that needs to be dealt with squarely. Disability is no longer viewed as a “problem” of the individual. Now a new understanding of disability known as the social and human rights model of disability has come in the picture. It focuses on environment and attitude rather on disabled individual .In this model, disability is not due to physical or intellectual condition but because of poor support, negative attitudes and the environment.
We Nagas still have a mental block towards the issues of disability. The mental block could be because of our lack of knowledge or could be because of the social stigmas attached to having a disabled child. I have come across families who are ashamed to acknowledge the existence of such a child. Parents its time to wake up and face the reality. The fact that you have a disabled child needs to be faced realistically and handled positively.
To eradicate discrimination and superstition of the disabled, as a parent of a disabled child you should begin by developing a positive attitude, treat your child as a normal human being .When you have a positive attitude towards your child it will have a spillover effect on the others in the society and they will see your disabled child in a new light.
One of the most traumatic discoveries parents can make regarding their child is that he or she suffers from a disability. “A handicap is something you seldom accept. However you learn to live with it.” Indeed you have to learn not only to live with it but also to deal with it. Therefore it is crucial to realize that as a parent your actions or lack of them can make or mar the life of a loved one.
Coping with the realization that he is different is very traumatic for any child. Being able to deal with such a reality in the secure environs of his own home goes a long way in reducing his trauma, particularly when he receives the love and support of various family members. When you as a parent accept the disability and try to understand how much you yourself can do to help your child ,it will be easier to deal with the situation with a more positive attitude. It is important to try and convert your concern into positive action. People around you tend to follow your example. Take the initiative to tell your family, friends and neighbors about your special child. If, on the other hand you are embarrassed or reluctant to talk about your special child others will take the cue from you and adopt the same attitude. Because of your reluctance you will miss out on much needed support, help and advice. Start taking your child out for family visits, Sunday school, church, shopping etc. Do not be afraid of other people seeing him. In most cases, people will be understanding and sympathetic, you will also learn to ignore the remarks made by them when they are not. Generally tactless or hurtful remarks are made unthinkingly and out of ignorance .People are not sure whether to be sympathetic, indulge you in your self-pity or just ignore the issue. Seldom are their intentions bad. It is a situation over which you have no control, but will have to learn to deal with it.
The next step is to realize the importance of early intervention. Very often it is seen that one comes across a child who has not been able to progress to the extent he is capable due to the lack of knowledge on the part of the parents. The first few years are crucial for all children, but they are even more so in the case of a special child. This is the period in his life when the foundation for all development –physical, mental, emotional and social –is laid. Early intervention helps to bring out the basic reflexes and reactions which are inherent in most babies and generally appear of their own accord. In the case of a special child, one will need extra stimulation to tap these dormant or impaired reactions and responses. Early detection and prompt intervention are also vital for slowing down and minimizing the degree of handicap. Make an effort to acquire as much accurate information as you can from people who are well informed like medical doctors, parents of other special children, professionals and organizations in disability sector.
All children have the right to the opportunities, the help and guidance needed by them to develop to the maximum extent of their potential. We often make the mistake of believing that a child who is handicapped in one area is incapable of achieving success in other areas. One often falls into the trap of focusing on what a special child cannot do. What he can do goes unobserved or is not recognized as a level of achievement. By sheltering and protecting a child in other areas we are denying him the opportunity to achieve his normal ability levels. By isolating him, by being overprotective, by not sending him to school, you may actually be making him more handicapped and less normal. Each child is unique and every parent must focus on identifying the child’s strengths and developing them to the maximum instead of always focusing on his inabilities.
Your special child like any other normal child will be good at some things, poor in others and perhaps even excel in one special area. His handicap may limit his endeavor to reach his full potential, but as a parent you owe it to your child to permit him the opportunity to at least try and achieve his maximum potential.
Our society needs a total makeover in the way we perceive disability. Being Christians we should be more accepting and more accommodating, looking at the disability as a challenge and not as a curse. The makeover has to begin in the family, starting with the parents. Parents have the most vital role to play and the most crucial responsibility in helping your special child lead a quality life. The family is the best advocate for your child’s needs. At all times you will have to be an advocate for your special child - identifying issues to be dealt with, getting all the professional help required, establishing a concrete plan of action ,being persistent, confident and patient. Its important to accept his inabilities and to believe in his abilities Remember your special child has limitations and strengths as does any other child. Allowing yourself to be optimistic without being unrealistic will ensure that your child gets an opportunity to attain his true potential, thereby permitting him to improve the quality of his life.
