Fr. T.C. Joseph Sdb
Today’s generation has to constantly combat the false list of criteria set by the campaigners of consumerism that make strong ones weak and weak ones weaker. We live in an era that is apparently prostrating itself before the deities of lust and power, and the mania for glamour and attention; it is bombarded by the cults of beauty, youth, fashion, fitness and possessions, often romanticized by the media. In such an ambience of perpetual transition and the craze for the submergence of the true self in the pursuit of a sublime ideal, it is vital to keep resetting our thermostats of value and worth, reforming and repairing the constantly assaulted spiritual dimension of our assessments. We need to support the leaning tower of our self-image, and cultivate a confidence in what our hearts tell us – the dream, the intuition, the internal monitor – resisting external comparisons and pressures, focused as they are on human weakness rather than on human strength. In a world where fortunes change with alarming frequency, and an artificial and unhealthy self-image is projected as the supreme ideal to be pursued for self-fulfillment – which certainly leads to a definite and dangerous zone of self-deception - how secure is our own self-esteem? Perhaps, one of the greatest challenges one has to face today is how to actualize the quiet eminence of one’s being.
The concept of self-esteem is at best the combination of micro-attitude – self-image, self-worth, and self-identity – with a macro-outlook – one’s fundamental option, basic mindset, and worldview. Ideally, our self-esteem is not inflexibly fixed, but subject to many influences. It is a compound attitude formed through hereditary and environmental factors, coloured strongly by specific, significant experiences of a “religious” and “relational” nature, particularly in the early years of life. Because self-esteem is born of the spirit and nourished by it, it has a spiritual dimension.
People with good self-esteem have confidence in their ability to impress others favourably and to meet the challenges of each day with success. They can enjoy their own company, know themselves to be resourceful and resilient, anticipate change and clearly believe in themselves. There is a positive option for growth of all kinds, a faith in something greater than the individual, an inner source of strength that has many names. People with self-esteem tend to follow their hearts, to trust a lot and to forgive themselves and others. They are also deeply convinced of the impact of the mind on our sense of self. What we think we are evolves into what in fact we become. This includes our ability to identify what it is we want to do in life, the happiness we allow ourselves to reach for, the way we solve or avoid problems, our willingness to stand apart from the crowd, our ability to take responsibility for our decisions, and our ability to be responsible for the goals we set.
People with good self-esteem have the golden thread that connects their images, their motivation, their goals and their self-evaluation. With this connectedness the power flows - and not just in a closed circuit within. Self-esteem thrives on participating in the network of relationships that are life supporting, stretching from self to others and to environment in a self-enriching but mutually renewing cycle. For lasting and secure self-esteem it is important that we widen the scope and deepen the knowledge of our self-understanding. It is important to know the way we see ourselves in the human community context and against the wider context of the universe itself.
The rediscovered spirituality of the exceptional lovers – the so-called mystics – paints a compelling and exciting picture of our universe as the love-child of a God who is crazy about everything that he has made. The sweeping power of their vision of exquisite beauty, and their reverence for the Lady Mystery that surrounds all creation, have enhanced our appreciation for the whole universe in its totality. We are swiftly becoming more aware of the interconnectedness and interdependence of all creation and the sacred mystery of the universe. We are beginning to feel a “fellowship with essence” as John Keats would put it. This understanding of ourselves as part of a whole, as a vital link in the network of living things, as a blood-brother and sister to every other human being on the planet and to all non-two-legged creatures and growing things as well – all this wisdom serves to enhance our self-esteem because of the amazing nature of our identity. We catch glimpses of the splendour of this wholeness at odd moments during our lives. We all carry the echoes of this wonder in our hearts.
To realize that we are made from the primordial substance, that we are literally constituted of the stuff of the stars, that we humans are the consciousness of the cosmos, that all our ancestors are champions because we exist at all – to realize, even in an elementary fashion just a little of this mystery is to develop a profound sense of self-acceptance, self-worth, self-determination and, above all, self-identity. That is why an understanding of our origins and purpose is so important to our self-knowledge. Although the pursuit of self-esteem requires a self-awareness and self-acceptance that comes from silence and discipline, it is still one of the most exciting journeys of all. It demands commitment and patience, trust and letting go, and it costs “not less than everything” as T.S. Eliot puts it with reference to attaining that “condition of simplicity” which is the “work of the saints.” It is in our handling of the difficulties – the unexpected conflicts, the frequent disappointments, the moments of doubt – that some kind of evaluation can be made. Progress will usually be slow, but once we sense that we are going with the current, that we are tapped into, and supported by, the divine energy that drives all creation to its goal, we are not depressed anymore by failures and relentless challenges.
There is an intrinsic and fertile coming together of head, heart and body especially when such connecting is receptive to the waves of wisdom that flow throughout the universe. We respond in our totality to our fully internalized goals, dreams and allurements. Self-esteem is built with the fabric of thoughts, words, feelings, images and actions. A Certain kind of “taking hold” of our lives is necessary for a healthy self-esteem. We decide to make life happier for others.
We believe that we build self-esteem not by searching for more of anything but by letting go of what we have. I am being created when I help you to create. In one sense we have the ever-present paradox playing in our hearts again: it is in self-forgetfulness that we achieve self-esteem. We then enjoy the love of others. “True self- esteem can be found only in the reflected appraisal of those whom we have loved,” wrote Victor Frankl. Like dreams and mirrors, I believe, true love cannot lie. Facing oneself squarely and honestly with a sincere loyalty to one’s innermost convictions can lead to a marvelous discovery – a sense of solitary dignity and a true appreciation of one’s quiet eminence.
(Salesian College, Dimapur)
