Kedo Peseyie
There is a theme that runs through the Bible connecting all the books: the theme is Right Relationships. Whether it is our relationship with material things, money, ourselves or people, we know this aspect is the cause of many of our worries. Today I want to explore three levels of relationship that covers the whole of life. First: relationship with yourself, second: with your neighbour, and third: with God.
I have deliberately put “yourself” first, neighbour second and God third because I want us to be a little more realistic today. Many times we tend to unburden everything on God and we say total commitment, total trust, total dependence, so that if anything goes wrong and if something does not work out, there is always God to blame. People say, “You know I think it was not God’s will,” or even worse, “It was God’s will that I fail for a year and learn my lesson.” There is a point there, but your life will be better without making that point.
God did not give us readymade things. If he wanted great disciples, he would have just dropped down great disciples from heaven. But he put babies first, and these babies had to grow up with choices, decisions, dreams and plans. And it was these choices, decisions, dreams and plans that made them great leaders. Our response, our choices, our very self matters. That’s why God left us with a choice. And each one is responsible how he or she will choose to look at himself/herself.
I look back into my life and I realise that though I developed a relationship with God early in life, I developed a good relationship with myself only very late in life. A big part of my life was spent in struggling with me. I didn’t like this, I didn’t like that, I want a better voice, why am I not like that person, why can’t I speak better, I wish I was an orator, etc. And because I could not come to terms with myself and was not having a good relationship with myself, I was not able to develop good, healthy relationship with other people and with GOD. I knew I was fooling myself when I prayed, “God I love you”, because in my heart I was always saying, “God you made a mistake there.”
Then very slowly I began to realise what I could do and what I could not do. I stopped blaming God and started getting my life together. I would often ask myself the questions: What am I good at? What do I really want to see developed in my life? In what area can I contribute most? What is the burden God has given me? I narrowed down my life, throwing away the things which are not necessary. Finally I identified three areas in my life that I would work on, and work on it really hard. Then I tried doing the most difficult thing—eliminating the things in my life that did not fit into these goals. (I sometimes think our Naga community lifestyle and obligations are the greatest enemy to study and achieving individual goals. Of course they are a blessing too, but too much of a blessing can make you empty and crazy).
Why I am sharing this? It is nothing great. But it was a breakthrough for me because I came to terms with myself and finally said, “OK it’s time I need to set a direction which my life should take.” Your goals and vision will not become clear to you unless you can come to good terms with yourself and come to a correct understanding of God. When you can come to terms with yourself, you can break down any difficult barrier or hurdle your way. You will not look at others and say, “I can’t do that.” But you will learn to look at yourself and say, “I can definitely do this.”
Spent some time everyday with yourself. In the quietness of the morning or before you go to sleep, listen to your life, your longings, your desires, what you enjoy the most, and your interests. What are things you can do, things you cannot do? Be honest with yourself and don’t fool yourself. Here is a poem by Edgar Guest I found really helpful:
AM I TRUE TO MYSELF?
I have to live my life, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know,
I want to be able, as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for things I have done.
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know
That I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I can never hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.
Start where you are and God will take you beyond what you cannot imagine. Bible says: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9)
Then comes the relationship with the neighbour. I think this should come only after “yourself”. Unfortunately we put more emphasis on social relationship without setting right the relationships within us, with ourselves, our situations, habits etc. The Bible tells us to “love your neighbour as yourself”. But if you don’t love yourself, you cannot love your neighbour as yourself. If you are not comfortable with yourself, you cannot make others feel comfortable. The ability to make others feel great about themselves is a greatness itself. Marriage can tell you a lot about relationships. Whenever I am having jealousy, or I am not in good terms with myself, I can never love my wife as I ought to love.
Love is the key. It is difficult to love. But it is more difficult to deal with bitterness, jealousy and pride.
The most important is a relationship with God. God is the present reality. Often He is only in our sub-conscious, only a memory. But the Bible says He is a ever present help in times of trouble.
Spent time with God as Mary did. Jesus told Martha, “…you are worried about other things, but Mary has chosen that which can never be taken away from her.” Talk to Him always. Tell Him everything and anything. Be honest with your feelings, doubts etc.
Vinoth Ramachandra says, ‘ . . . it is those who suppress their doubts under a litany of jolly choruses who may well be guilty of unbelief: for they refuse to believe that God can handle their rage.’
Read His word to find out what is on His mind and heart. Always remember He is a God who is crazy for you! He was crazy enough to die. He was crazy enough to forgive my craziest sins. If you can realise this, you won’t mind doing crazy things for Him.
